Bathurst's BIGGEST DONKEY!

It seems to be a trend with other local blog sites to big themselves and their teams up by reporting EXACTLY to you, the blog-reading public, who the biggest donkeys in the region are. They'll tell you what they play, who they are, why they're so bad, and how often they win by luck.

Not to be outdone, the FIVE HATS AND SHIT crew decided to scour the region looking for who, indeed, is the region's BIGGEST donkey.

Our results were conclusive. We found the worst poker player in Bathurst, nay, the world. His name is Sven, and he lives right outside of town on a little farm. He doesn't do much except play poker all day, yet he's still SUCH a donkey. He calls with any ace or pocket pair, even when we KNOW our bluffs should be knocking him senseless. Ostensibly, he shouldn't be able to match the extremely gangsta skills of the HATS.

But Sven is no ordinary bad player. He just calls our bluffs, sometimes holding nothing but Ace high! I mean, what is that? He cleaned up all our shit by calling when he should have folded, and getting lucky with crappy cards! WHAT A DONKEY.

Sven challenged all our crew to a game of heads up, and we just laughed so hard the region was swallowed up by an intense gale force wind. But he persisted, so Sven ended up taking all of us on.

One by one we dropped out to his donkey calls! He just accumulated chip after chip! He called our bluffs and got lucky on his bad calls! What a donkey! There was no way to beat this damned donkey, even though we knew we were far superior in poker skill to him.

After 20 minutes of donkaments, he took the last chip from me. He had beaten the hats using nothing but donk poker skills.

Ah Sven, you truly are Bathurst's biggest DONKEY!

Here's a pic of Sven, smiling like a DONK after his stupid win.

A random distraction...

That damn good.

If anyone doubted my poker ability, you'll see that I'm in the NPL top 20 -- AHAH.

Not impressed? Well, if you check the NPL website, you'll see that I'm in there TWICE.

So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Results of late...

Hey kidlets, haven't been playing much APL/NPL games of late but here are a few results for our very balling (and now SouthPark-ified) Five Hats. Sarah and Matty have been decimating the St. Pats club, with consecutive Final Tables and a win for Matty and a final table (that I know of) for Sarah.

Rabs came third at the massive Sunday night Panthers game (the region's biggest freeroll), headbutting all opposition with his superior cards and boyish good looks.

As for myself I've been tearing through the NPL lately, though ironically in Orange when I go to help Benny. Not much since the NPL is only fledgling in Orange garnering between 15-30 players per event but I'm still enjoying outplaying the donks. My results so far are:

Aaron Hotel game 1: 4th
Aaron Hotel game 2 (money game): 4th (bubble. damn)
Aaron Hotel sitngo 9handed: 1st
Royal Hotel: 2nd (well 3rd since Benny played and won but he wasn't counted)
Royal Hotel sitngo 9handed: 2nd
Aaron Hotel game 1: 2nd (see my badbeat on Mauler's blog)
Aaron Hotel game 2 (money): 4th (not a bubble this time, they paid top 4, SCORE)

Not that bad... I should probably hit up some more APL, but last Sunday I was too busy drinking the vodka we won at the Royal.

Also if anyone is keen for a game of headsup HORSE, I'll take challengers ranging from $10 to $50 (any more than that is out of my current finances)... I've been playing nothing but HORSE online and have been loving it.

Anyway, Stylez OUT.

PEACE

The proposed "Bathurst vs Orange" poker event.

Upon reading the collective ideas of the OPC/New Era who are keen for a Bathurst vs Orange poker event, I immediately thought: Why leave it at a Bx vs Ox poker tournament, I (and the rest of the Hats) would much rather a points-based teams event in a similar vein to the Ultimate Teams Event in Sydney, where players have a shootout into a larger tournament, gaining points for where they place on the day with the team accumulating the most points being declared the best team in the region?

I know that the mo'fuckin HATS ain't scared. What does the OPC, New Era, Big Nutz, Go Web Go, TCW and even the mighty (crap) Team T think of this proposal?

The Five Hats Heads Up Challenge

Or as we like to pronounce it, the "Fuck." (FHHUC)

It's Stylez here at Matty P's crib just posting after the first two rounds of our Five Hats Round Robin heads up challenge.

In the first heat, Matty P versed Benny in a squeaky-tight match. In the fortieth or so minute, when the blinds were 200/400, Ben picked up wired Jacks in the small blind and made it 1400 to roll, after losing around 400 in the hand before. His stack was 2600 so he had pot committed himself. Matty awoke to pocket 7s and put Big Ben all in for the rest of his chips. The first card rolled over was a 7 and Ben was sent to the rail with Matty picking up the first win of the FHHUC.

Stylez and Sarah played in their next match, and as we're pretty much known for being the most aggressive in the team the action heated up pretty quickly. After raising preflop on the button with 9hTd, I (Stylez) got a somewhat miracle headsup flop of KQJ with the K and J being spades. I fired out a fairly solid bet of 400 into a pot of 600 which Sare thought about before making the call. the turn was another spade and I hated that card, (I think it was a 4.) I did a big bet again and Sarah quickly called so I had to put her either on a monster two pair or a draw. The river was the ugliest thing I ever saw: the Queen of spades, that put 4 spades on the board, which I figured would counterfeit my straight. Sarah fired a monster bet when I checked to her and I folded. She turns over the dirty BLUFF with J4 offsuit, NO SPADES. Bah.

Anyway after whittling me down we got to 200-400 blinds and I pushed all in for 1500 with KJ offsuit. Sarah made the call with 8sTs for the turned straight and the first round win.

I've just finished my second match with Matty P (Benny and Sarah are still playing) where Matty slowplayed his KK to the death of him when I turned a straight with the same hand Sarah beat me with -- 8sTs. Matty had around 400 left after that monster pot and I just kept putting him all in whenever I was the smallblind (except, luckily, for one time when I didnt like the look of Ten Deuce [Doyle] and Matty angrily rolled over the pocket rockets AA) eventually I put Matty all in with JhTh and he called with As3c and I turned a flush for the win.

Matty will be in here to do the next update as it happens...

Stylez (On Matty's account) OUT

Carving up the cashgames.

The hats are rampaging through the Bathurst cashgame scene, with Sarah and Matty P both final tabling at last night's St. Pat's club and Stylez and Diz Lizzle coming top 16 also. At the home of "Wizadd" Mark Cowie we played a bit of $.20/$.40 NL with Matty and Stylez both cashing out for around 3-4 buyins each.

We also started a balling gangsta game called Jackpot... just to make the money move around the table while you're playing toight loike a toiger at the card table waiting for bullets... it was hella fun and we had some pretty big jackpots ($20+) which was just good to make sure there was always some form of gambling going on.

Speaking of gambling, look at this cockhead on Pokerstars. Goddamn it irritates me that my money from that one dirty suckout will be going to some other, better player than this chasing fuckwit.

Stylez OUT

PEACE





Stars Game #11248984915: Hold'em No Limit ($0.25/$0.50) - 2007/08/01 - 03:44:02 (ET)
Table 'Tethys V' 6-max Seat #3 is the button
Seat 1: pareddevil ($27.95 in chips)
Seat 2: BindingPils ($17.75 in chips)
Seat 3: GwydGambles ($26 in chips)
Seat 4: Willskis ($20.75 in chips)
Seat 5: Spanky1974 ($53.25 in chips)
Seat 6: cantstop ($36.75 in chips)
Willskis: posts small blind $0.25
Spanky1974: posts big blind $0.50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Willskis [Kh Ks]
cantstop: raises $2 to $2.50
pareddevil: folds
BindingPils: folds
GwydGambles: folds
Willskis: raises $3 to $5.50
Spanky1974: folds
cantstop: calls $3
*** FLOP *** [7h 5c 6s]
Willskis: bets $15.25 and is all-in
cantstop: calls $15.25
*** TURN *** [7h 5c 6s] [Ad]
*** RIVER *** [7h 5c 6s Ad] [Qs]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Willskis: shows [Kh Ks] (a pair of Kings)
cantstop: shows [Ac 6h] (two pair, Aces and Sixes)
cantstop collected $39.95 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $42 | Rake $2.05
Board [7h 5c 6s Ad Qs]
Seat 1: pareddevil folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: BindingPils folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: GwydGambles (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 4: Willskis (small blind) showed [Kh Ks] and lost with a pair of Kings
Seat 5: Spanky1974 (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 6: cantstop showed [Ac 6h] and won ($39.95) with two pair, Aces and Sixes