Five Hats and Shit REPRESENT YO.

Let me give you the skinny. This blog is being created by me, Big Willy Stylez, to let everyone in the Central West get the scoop about the hottest and youngest poker team in Bathurst and Orange .. (and sometimes Oberon. But not often, every time we go out there we get taken out when our pocket Ks lose to some drunken fuckwit who looks like he was spawned by two of the degenerate freaks from The Hills Have Eyes when he plays his 8-3 SUITED).

The site will have bad language, so if you're too much of a pansy to accept the diatribes of a true baller such as myself (or any other Five Hats member) leave now. COCK. CUNT. ARSE. I told you.

HISTORY OF FIVE HATS AND SHIT

One fine evening, a few young sprightly lads named Matthew, William, and Benjamin were at the local Edinboro Castle Hotel. They decided it would be rather sporting to place a general wager of $1 a press into the machine which was delightfully titled "Cash Chameleon".

"Good show!" shouted Ben at the machine. "I'd dearly love for you to pay out a spiffy amount of dollar coins based on the moderate wager of which I am putting forward."

"Jolly good," agreed Will.

"Chim chim cheroo," piped in Matthew, in an interjection that contributed nothing to the conversation, but actually did sound rather British and formal.

The machine did actually reciprocate to the behest of the three young gamblers. For not one, but two, three four, FIVE silver hats lined the middle row of the cash machine. The bells rang and the clangers clanged, and the machine payed the boys enough money so that they could drink many a lager and have a rather sporting old time ALL night.

ALTERNATE VERSION

Like the gangstas they were, Stylez, Matty P and Big Ben were pulling rolled up twenty-dollar bundles from their pockets and throwing them through the poker machine like it weren't nobody's business. They'd already hammered down at least 26 rum-on-taps each, and were thinking about how they were going to make their next cool 10 G payout, and what kind of wigga they'd have to bust a cap in to make the green.

They rolled up to a pokie in one of the dark corners of the Eddy. It said "Cash Chameleon", so Benny said "fuck it. Let's put some dollars into this player, yo."

Pulling a 100 dollar note from a pile of 99 more of the same, Matty P said "Whatever dawg."

It looked like getting chameleons was the way to make the machine payout. "COME ON FUCK YA," shouted Benny. "GIVE US SOME CHAMELEONS N SHIT."

But the machine actually put 5 silver top hats on the screen. This payed just as balling as the chameleons would have.

"FUCKING GIVE US SOME FIVE HATS AND SHIT," yelled Stylez, before headbutting a passing wigga for looking at him the wrong way.

The machine payed out again and again. The Five Hats just kept on rolling -- much the way the current Five Hats roll: fast and living large.

The gangstas dined in style that night. After enjoying supermodel accompaniment in a jacuzzi filled with money, they decided that the magical abilities of the Five Hats would lead them to success in every gangsta aspect of life, and joined a poker team that would be comprised of no one but true ballers.

They started small, and still remain very selective of who joins such a balling poker team.

But the current member sheet is as follows:

Benjamin "Big Ben" Stark -- The TOP HAT.
Ryan "MC Rabs" Rhind
Matt "Matty P" Pakulski
Nick "Diz Lizzle" Eviston
Will "Stylez" Longfield
Sarah "OUTTA MAH FACE BIATCH" Weal

And our two trial Members,

Shannon "Wolf" Hart
James "Ace" Mann

This is a team who knows where shit's at. We accept any challenge, even from inferior teams, because we're just true ballers. We'll teach you shit about poker when you sit down to play with us. Come get schooled by the Hats, AWW YEAH.


Stylez OUT...

POICE