If luck weren't involved...

I'd win every time. So I decided to go on pokerstars and test my TRUE poker skills with the field in the $30+3 Deepstack NLHE game last night.

I was in for a bit of a grind. The starting stacks were 5000 and the blind levels were 30 minutes long. I knew I didnt have to make any fancy plays or moves, just good, solid poker.

The hours wore on and after 5 hours 195 people had become 19 -- the bubble. No one was really "short-stacked" though after a crazy bluff on my behalf where I was called down on a double-paired board with Ace high (gc btw) I was down to 20000 when the blinds were 400/800/50 (yeah thats right, 400/800 after 5 hours!) The bubble was cruel and I was starting to dwindle-- until I made perhaps a tilty but good call of all in on a board of Qxx with JJ in my hand. One of the better calls of my tournament as the guy putting me in had TT.

I was back to 35k, dodged the bubble, and won a few more pots. There were around 12 left when my 50kish stack doubled up, flopping AQQ in the big blind when I had KQ. I bet every street, big value bets that the guy holding AJ had to call.

On the final table I started as 4th in chips but after a few shortstacks blew up, we were around 7 handed. I took the chiplead after this critical hand.


PokerStars Game #14175233357: Tournament #71071683, $30+$3 Hold'em No Limit - Level XIV (1000/2000) - 2007/12/29 - 09:21:00 (ET)
Table '71071683 1' 9-max Seat #6 is the button
Seat 2: Mike_OxBig78 (11750 in chips)
Seat 3: Ragaboo (182433 in chips)
Seat 5: DANVAR (122622 in chips)
Seat 6: Willskis (114445 in chips)
Seat 7: lehighlax (200934 in chips)
Seat 8: dacrazesta (196781 in chips)
Seat 9: (146035 in chips)
Mike_OxBig78: posts the ante 200
Ragaboo: posts the ante 200
DANVAR: posts the ante 200
Willskis: posts the ante 200
lehighlax: posts the ante 200
dacrazesta: posts the ante 200
: posts the ante 200
lehighlax: posts small blind 1000
dacrazesta: posts big blind 2000
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Willskis [9s 9c]
: folds
Mike_OxBig78: folds
Ragaboo: folds
DANVAR: raises 3555 to 5555
Willskis: calls 5555
lehighlax: folds
dacrazesta: folds
*** FLOP *** [9h 4d 7h]
DANVAR: bets 116867 and is all-in
Willskis: calls 108690 and is all-in
*** TURN *** [9h 4d 7h] [Qd]
*** RIVER *** [9h 4d 7h Qd] [Ac]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
DANVAR: shows [Ah Td] (a pair of Aces)
Willskis: shows [9s 9c] (three of a kind, Nines)
dacrazesta said, "just a matter of time"
Willskis collected 232890 from pot
Ragaboo said, "Nice hand."
said, "ha nh"
Willskis said, "instacall"
dacrazesta said, "nh"
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 232890 | Rake 0
Board [9h 4d 7h Qd Ac]
Seat 2: Mike_OxBig78 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: Ragaboo folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: DANVAR showed [Ah Td] and lost with a pair of Aces
Seat 6: Willskis (button) showed [9s 9c] and won (232890) with three of a kind, Nines
Seat 7: lehighlax (small blind) folded before Flop
Seat 8: dacrazesta (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 9: folded before Flop (didn't bet)

We played 5 handed for close to an hour, all of us having deep stacks and playing rather conservatively. My chiplead fluctuated and was passed around the remaining 5 players. It truly was a grind.

One by one guys dropped, until finally we got to headsup. My opponent was the only guy at the table who had not advocated a chop. I wouldn't have minded chopping heads up, even though I went into the match as the chipleader. A chop could guarantee $1400 for my $30 investment rather than a guaranteed $1170. Nevertheless, I didn't push the issue.

The guy played the same game headsup that he had been playing, solid and partial to flop and turn raises rather than brave river calls. I had been playing rather tight and passive for the most part, folding to large reraises of my feeler bets. KJ'o'spades won me a large pot early on, hitting top pair and overbetting on the turn, him calling my all in (he had more chips at this point) and being second best with his A9 middle pair. Afterwards he battled back till we had a more even chipstack. Around 45 minutes and close to 220 hands into heads up (exhausting, no?) this hand occurred.

PokerStars Game #14177248675: Tournament #71071683, $30+$3 Hold'em No Limit - Level XVII (2500/5000) - 2007/12/29 - 11:31:33 (ET)
Table '71071683 1' 9-max Seat #3 is the button
Seat 3: Ragaboo (466058 in chips)
Seat 6: Willskis (508942 in chips)
Ragaboo: posts the ante 500
Willskis: posts the ante 500
Ragaboo: posts small blind 2500
Willskis: posts big blind 5000
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Willskis [Qh 9s]
Ragaboo: raises 7500 to 12500
Ragaboo said, "Nah"
Willskis: calls 7500
*** FLOP *** [Jh Ts Kd]
Willskis: checks
Ragaboo: bets 15000
Willskis: raises 25000 to 40000
Ragaboo said, "Always!"
Ragaboo: calls 25000
*** TURN *** [Jh Ts Kd] [Kc]
Willskis: bets 55000
Ragaboo: calls 55000
*** RIVER *** [Jh Ts Kd Kc] [4s]
Willskis: bets 160000
Ragaboo: calls 160000
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Willskis: shows [Qh 9s] (a straight, Nine to King)
Ragaboo: shows [Ac Qd] (a straight, Ten to Ace)
Ragaboo collected 536000 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 536000 | Rake 0
Board [Jh Ts Kd Kc 4s]
Seat 3: Ragaboo (button) (small blind) showed [Ac Qd] and won (536000) with a straight, Ten to Ace
Seat 6: Willskis (big blind) showed [Qh 9s] and lost with a straight, Nine to King

The K on the turn saved me from losing potentially my entire stack, as it turned his hand from the nuts to a possible second best hand. Thank God because it didn't slow me down. When he called the turn I figured he might have a hand like AK and wanted to milk as much as I could.

After roughly 1 hour and 10 minutes the final knockout blow came up.

PokerStars Game #14177388944: Tournament #71071683, $30+$3 Hold'em No Limit - Level XVIII (3000/6000) - 2007/12/29 - 11:39:31 (ET)
Table '71071683 1' 9-max Seat #6 is the button
Seat 3: Ragaboo (718658 in chips)
Seat 6: Willskis (256342 in chips)
Ragaboo: posts the ante 600
Willskis: posts the ante 600
Willskis: posts small blind 3000
Ragaboo: posts big blind 6000
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Willskis [Jc 8s]
Willskis said, "close Wink"
Ragaboo said, "Haha, nope. Close, though."
Willskis: raises 12000 to 18000
Ragaboo: calls 12000
*** FLOP *** [6c 9h 7c]
Ragaboo: checks
Willskis: bets 12000
Ragaboo: raises 24000 to 36000
Willskis: raises 201742 to 237742 and is all-in
Ragaboo: calls 201742
*** TURN *** [6c 9h 7c] [Qd]
*** RIVER *** [6c 9h 7c Qd] [3s]
Ragaboo said, "gg"
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Ragaboo: shows [As 9c] (a pair of Nines)
Willskis: shows [Jc 8s] (high card Queen)
Willskis said, "Phew."
Ragaboo collected 512684 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 512684 | Rake 0
Board [6c 9h 7c Qd 3s]
Seat 3: Ragaboo (big blind) showed [As 9c] and won (512684) with a pair of Nines
Seat 6: Willskis (button) (small blind) showed [Jc 8s] and lost with high card Queen




So there you have it, 2nd placing for $1170. I'm very happy with that as you can imagine, but I'll keep striving for first. For all those who are able to play flops well and are able to fold TPTK to a substantial reraise, I recommend this tournament, if you have a spare 10 hours handy to win it, of course. :)


Click the thumbnail for a screencap.



Styles OUT

PEACE

Unbelievable strategy.

I'm on a sick run online, I've won my last 9 sit'n'goes and it's all thanks to this guy's strategy. It's very advanced so you may not understand it at first but I'm really winning big with this guy's incredible advice.

It's all happening, yes, yes, yes it is.

Major update in Hatland, campers. We have two new members in our exclusive poker crew, who after a long trial period have proved that they can ball like the best gangstas. Jarron Miranda (known online as "Jarron M" -- yes, original -- on Full Tilt) and Kyle "fakedante" Minett have both been inducted into the Five Hats poker crew.

In other news, Jarron and I drove to Lithgow the other night to play the $10 APL (shudder) freezeout. As we got to the club, the lady said, "You do know that poker isn't on tonight?"

This did not bode well.

So we decided, far be it from us to waste a perfectly good 1.5 hours of our lives, and we decided to drive to Star City in Sydney, picking up Sarah and Matty P from Bilpin on the way.

Matty and Jarron jumped on 80NL and I sat down (foolishly) at the softest $5/$10 fixed limit table. I realised early on that these people weren't playing poker, really, just no fold'em hold'em, so I decided to knuckle down and wait for cards. It was boring as fuck. It went like this:

Call preflop with ridiculous odds with a hand like 9sTs. (I'm in late, 6 people have called already, pot $30, pot odds 6:1..)

Miss flop. Fold.

Repeat.

Repeat again, only this time, HIT flop. Bet. Called by 6 people. Turn isn't scary. Bet. Called by 5 people. River is somewhat scary. Check it down, call bet from donk on end of table. Top pair is good. (Donk's bluff, not so good). $130 pot.

After having a few two pairs drawn out on etc. I had my once-proud stack looking short. When my flopped BB 2 pair 8s3s on a board of 8c3d6h flop ended up being outdrawn by 5s2h catching a gutshot I should have left the table with my pride intact, buuuuut... I didn't, and lost most of my $150 buyin. Damn luck wins again.

We even made a movie on my phone to show the contrast between the start of the night and the end of the night. The sync between the audio and video went a bit out of whack at the end... but an enjoyable video nonetheless.

Keep tuned for more Five Hats and Shit updates!

Tournament of Champions

This guy's Cunningham impression cracked me up. :D

RIP Chip Reese

One of the Greatest High-Stakes Cash Game Players Passes On

David “Chip” Reese, the three-time World Series of Poker bracelet winner, longtime cash-game star, and member of the Poker Hall of Fame, has died. He was 56.

Card Player has learned that Reese went to the hospital last night and was then sent home later that night and passed away in his sleep. Card Player's original information reported that he had died at the hospital.

Reese, the Ohio native who learned to play poker while attending Dartmouth, was a regular in the biggest cash games and was considered the best seven-card stud player in the world. Doyle Brunson held Reese’s play in such high regard that he pegged him to pen the chapter on stud for his book “Super System.”

He affirmed his position as one of the world’s best all-around players in 2006 when he won the $50,000 WSOP H.O.R.S.E. event ($1.8 million). He also won bracelets in 1982 and 1978 ($5,000 limit stud and $1,000 stud split).

Source: Cardplayer.com

---

A true legend of the game. RIP Mr. Reese.

Bull. Doze. Zer.

Finally a big cash. I also qualified into the Aussie Millions $109 supersatellite for just $4. It'll be really impressive when I say that I won $2 million from just $4.

WHEN I win, note I said. Not if. Hats don't have room for if.

Playin' Huck Seed

I saw former World Champion of Poker and multi-bracelet winner in Razz Huckleberry Seed at the HORSE tables last night playing $2/$4. So I sat down with $40 and played him heads up for a little while. I was up to $70 at one point, but being that he's a world class player and I'm a pleb, he took most of my buy in. He was real nice though and chatted to me about strategy and stuff. Thanks Huck, enjoy my $30 :p



Click the thumbnail to view a larger image.

Another Omaha H/L Final Table.

This time on Full Tilt. I was looking good to win for a while but one big pot sent me from chipleader to like 5th. I ended up busting out 6th which I'm still happy with.

Omahahahahaha...

I've been playing a lot of Omaha online lately. Just a change from the NL sit'n'goes. I used to just multi-table 4 $3.40 Stars/Tilt sit'n'goes but that gets boring. Though still fun. I came 6th in a 154 person tourney last night online, after one monster pot sent me from chipleader to like 2nd last on the final table. I don't have the Hand History, so take my word for it.

My hand: AQJ2
Opponents hand: ????

I call a 2-bet from the button and the blinds fold.

Flop is J7J. I bet the flop, he raises, I reraise and he caps it. By capping it, I figured he had another J or 77xx in his hand. I call the cap.

Turn card is an ostensible gem. Ace for my JJJAA boat.

River is a nice, but unnecessary, Q, for a lower boat that I don't need. I'd capped the turn BTW. We capped the river, and at no point did I think I had the worst hand. I put the guy on 77xx; and couldn't let go of his hand.

I was right. Unfortunately, XX equated to be AA, and his AA77 made a better boat than mine and lost me a 50k chip pot when the blinds were only 700/1400 and the average stack was like, 20k.

And just like 20 minutes ago I played in a $5.50 Pot Limit Omaha HiLo tourney and came 2nd. The final 3 were all Aussies. Represent! Now, it is my duty, to build this roll up to one worthy of the 2008 Aussie Millions. AWW yeah.

Stylez OUT.
PEACE

Stylez' Sydney Shenanigans

On the weekend I made my way down to Sydney with Jarron and Tamim, just to sit at the Star City tables for a while, make a quick buck, and head home.

While it was a fairly lucrative night at the casino (I made a few greenbacks), we didn't end up going home particularly early. On no sleep, we decided to wander around the city and look for a game at the Jade Tavern or Pokerdome. The Jade was dead quiet so we went to Newtown to play a Sit'n'Go there. I got told there was a big Pokerdome jackpot tourney that night and no less than three people offered a bootleg ticket into the event.

I heard people asking for $330, $180 and $150 respectively, and though I was cashed up from Star City, I still talked one guy down to $100.

So, having been awake for around 28 hours, I mapquested my way to Coogee in Sydney to play the event. Jarron and Tamim by this time were sleeping in the car, but I was running on pure Red Bull.

I thought the best approach to the tourney would be to build a tight image... which was the easiest thing to do when I didn't see ONE premium hand for over 7 blind structures. I padded my stack with a few blindsteals and lost a few when I tried to bluff a guy who pretty much hit the 4c5s6c flop as hard as one CAN hit that flop (with the 3c5c). So I nursed my poor chipstack through so many blinds, grinding it down before I picked up Jd8d in the BB, called a min raise, and flopped a flush with a board of 9dTd3d. I pushed after a small bet from the other player, he called, tabling the KhQd. I had to dodge a diamond on the river.

Of course, it dropped.

THE SEVEN OF DIAMONDS FOR MY MOTHERFUCKIN STRAIGHTFLUSH.

So that was a morale booster. I continued to fold fold fold, stole one round of blinds and antes with Ace 9 (which at the time was my best opening hand for the night), was moved to another table and was on the brink of being blinded out to the crazy 500/1000/ ante 50 blinds; picked up AKs and pushed, won a race against 4s, padded my stack up to 7 odd thousand, in the SB next hand it was folded to the button who made a hefty 3500 raise, I instapushed with QQ, and lost the race to his AK. All in all I think I played the game ok; if a little tighter than I originally intended.

More updates on the life of Stylez and the Hats in general.

Blind round 8 - Razz

I won the first two pots, a good omen! Back to 2300ish. The BAD omen, however, is that I then got rolled up 5s. In Razz. WHY IN RAZZ.

The Razz god sure has a sick sense of humour.

Well, that's me gone. I just got runner runnered for a lower. I had 7 low and the guy got the perfect two cards he needed, runner runner A 4 for 6 low. Absolutely sickening. But still a good experience.

Next time maybe, campers. No $70,000 bankroll for Stylez just yet.

Blind round 7 - Omaha Hi Lo

Pfft, lol. Very first hand I get is Ah Kh Qh Jh. 4 to the royal in my hand. Ironic thing is that this is Hi-Lo so I have to fold it.

Great. I now have three bets. I had Jacks up which I was hoping would be good for Hi, then the board runner-runner flushed and lowballed so I had to fold my good hand... turns out the guy who scooped only had Kings for high so I could have taken it.

Just split both pots with another guy who also flopped the wheel. I was hoping not to get quartered but blank outs fell, thank god. Still only at 1300.

Ugh, BB and I get dealt trip 9s with a deuce. Filth.

SB not much better.

I quartered a guy when I had A224. I two paired for Hi and nut-low split with him. Back to 1800. Bulldozer? CAN YOU FEEL IT!? BUUULLLL DOZERRRRRRRRRRR!

2500 BABY. Tripped up my Qs when I had QJ23 on a flop of QA5. Nut low draw turned into trip Qs and when the river brought a 10 I bet, got called, and took the entire pot. BULLDOZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!

(Incidentally, Hevad "RaInKhAN" Khan owner of the "Bulldozer" trademark is in this tournament. He has more chips than me. Bitch.)

Down to 1300 again. Semibluffed a lot of chips off again. I fucking hate double draws. If a 3 dropped I'd have had a boat and nut low.

The 3 did not drop.

MOTHERFUCKER. I had A338 double suited then, raised, got like 9 callers. Set for a mad double scoop. Worst flop ever was K9J, where it was bet and I had to get off it. Turn brought a three and it was checked down. No qualifying low and Kings up tied for high. I would be back at 3000ish.

Razz next. Fingers crossed.

The average stack is like 5000 but I have hope with a 2500 chipstack. It can become something greater... as long as my Razz luck isn't like the first round.

Blind round 6 - Hold'em

An inauspicious start to the round, with my first three hands being 23, 26 and 27 offsuit. :-\

AJ suited, middle position. I raise preflop, BB calls, I'm checked to on the missed flop and put out a continuer, picks up the pot.

UTG with pocket 10s. I raise. 2nd pos calls. BB calls. 567 flops. I bet again, am called by 2nd pos. BB folds. Turn K. I bet again and pick up the pot.

In the BB with KQ os. Call two bets, flop is 6 10 10. Check check check. Turn is a 5. I check again, middle pos bets, I fold.

Sat out for a while and folded QQ. Bah. Never check the hand history.

Just lost another pot with AK against 88 when the board bricked. Down to 2400.

Fuck. I just had JQ flop top pair Qs and got capped on the flop. I didn't like my hand after that, figuring I was beat. At the riv I see the guy slow played AQ on me. Totally never put him on that.

Jesus I am missing flops with big hands like its going out of fashion. I may have to pick a hand to gamble with soon, these fucking flops are unbelievable. I get Ah Th and flop is Qd 3h Jh .. that's every heart, K, and an A overcard. Miss the lot and the draws are getting mighty expensive.

Down to 850 here. No flop connectivity whatsoever. Bring on Aces!

I picked on the extremely shortstacked BB with my low Ace 5 then, but it worked because he got attached to his Q 10 and now all his chips are mine. Back to 1350. Folded AJ the next hand under the gun. WHERE WAS THAT ON THE BUTTON!?

BB 65os won me a pot, when I bet with it and got called, turned a board pair Q, rivered a board trip Q for my full house, I bet and took that. Back to 1600.

Omaha next. Let's hope my favourite game can save me. Blinds are starting to sting.

Blind round 5 - Stud Hi Lo

I've won a few pots in this game, I scooped one with tens up and no qualifying low hand, and the second I hit trips up with a draw to a 3 for the nut low but still some cold cards. I'll let you know about any interesting hands.

I just took the high pot with Aces up. I had a low draw that didn't eventuate also, but the pot was pretty beefy so I'm hovering at around 3500. Current chip average is 3354.

Lost a pot then. Had a billion outs that didn't come and bet the river like an idiot when I paired just my deuces. Hoped he didn't have the Jacks he was representing -- he was priced in on 7th street and his 8s were good.

Ugh another donk hand. I have to start waiting for pairs because my straight/flush outs aren't hitting.

Talk about a roller coaster. Just got back up from 2500 to 3100 with Kings up beating Queens up. Crazy crazy stud.

Back to Hold'em.

Blind round 4 - Stud Hi

First Stud hand I played was wired AA with a 4 showing. I'll post the brief hand history. The extra blinds meant I took a good pot.

Dealt to Willskis [Ac Ah 4c]
Dealt to aviardi [9s]
kawaiiiii: brings in for 18
Willskis: raises 42 to 60
aviardi: calls 60
Tull: calls 60
kawaiiiii: calls 42

*** 4th STREET ***
Dealt to Willskis [Ac Ah 4c] [Td]
Dealt to aviardi [9s] [Kc]
Dealt to Tull [Qd] [4d]
Dealt to kawaiiiii [2c] [5s]

aviardi: checks
Tull: checks
kawaiiiii: checks
Willskis: bets 60
aviardi: raises 60 to 120 < -- At this point I assume he's made a pair of Kings.
Tull: folds
kawaiiiii: folds
Willskis: raises 60 to 180
aviardi: calls 60
*** 5th STREET ***
Dealt to Willskis [Ac Ah 4c Td] [9d]
Dealt to aviardi [9s Kc] [6h]
aviardi: checks
Willskis: bets 120
aviardi: calls 120
*** 6th STREET ***
Dealt to Willskis [Ac Ah 4c Td 9d] [4s] <--- A godsend. I was worrying about Kings up but I'm fairly confident I have the best of it here.
Dealt to aviardi [9s Kc 6h] [6c]
aviardi: checks
Willskis: bets 120
aviardi: calls 120
*** RIVER ***
Dealt to Willskis [Ac Ah 4c Td 9d 4s] [Qs]
aviardi: checks
Willskis: checks <--- He was check calling pretty solidly. Please not trips, Please not Trips.......
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Willskis: shows [Ac Ah 4c Td 9d 4s Qs] (two pair, Aces and Fours)
aviardi: mucks hand

WINNAR.


In this blind structure I also had AKQJ by 4th street, and raised a guy who called me all the way to the river. I couldn't believe it but I didnt make a fucking pair or catch the 10. His pair of 8s was good. It was so sick that he was calling. But bad play by me I guess... don't bluff. Anyway, onto Stud Hilo AND my breakfast. Nice.

Blind round 3 - Razz

Ugh, the very first hand of Razz I got myself into trouble with this bloke.

I had [A 10] 2 showing and complete. Bloke with a 4 showing makes the call.

I turn another ace. Fucking pair. I try to represent 34 in the hole or something of that nature. He calls.

He is showing 64. He gets an A on fifth street. I get another fucking ten. Jeez I hate Razz.

I bet when it gets to Stud Hi I won't be able to get two pair for love nor money. Anyway, I get rid of that filth as soon as I can.

I lost another pot just then. I had 8 low for so long, and end up making 8654A. Cockhead makes 85432. On 7th street, of course.

I've juts had split Jacks, wired Ks with an A showing, and three suited royal cards. I hate you, Razz.

Finally I've made back some headway with an 8 low beating a 9 low. Back up to 2500.

My 7 low beats 8 low. I should have raised him on the river but I'm not trusting my Razz luck. I had A23 earlier and got a K on both 4th and 5th. Sick.

Finally some door card luck. I had [A 6] 4. Guy raises me. I turn another A but he has a Q. He checks and I bet. 5th street brings me a 7 and him a 9. Check check. I get a 3 on 6th which is fantastic as I'm showing A 4 7 3 and he has to put me on at least 7-low. I take a pretty good pot.

On to Stud now. Thank Christ.

Blind round 2 - Omaha Hi-Lo

First 10 minutes I haven't played a hand. Can't see an Ace for the life of me.

BB. I check with 4 limpers. My cards are Ah Qs 8c 2c.

Flop is Kc 6d 4h. SB bets. I call. Late position calls.

Turn is 10c. SB bets. I raise. Late position calls. SB calls.

River is a 7s. SB checks. I bet. Late position calls. SB calls.

SB wins Hi with 6c 5h 4d 6d, a pair of 6s.

I win Lo with 7,6,4,2,A.

A few hands later...

I limp in late with 4488. Flop is 245. Flopped a set, not loving the low cards out there though. It's checked to me and I check. C'mon, board pair.

Turn is an 8. Ok, a better set. Still not loving my hand. All the aces out there are fanging for the Lo and I'm sitting here sweating on a board pair. It's bet to me and I call.

River is a 10. Ok, no board pair. A couple of bets to me and I fold. Hi is taken by the 23456 straight and scoops the low also.

Ad Jd 4s 4c. I limp in, and call a two-bet. Flop is 4h 2c 3c. Flopped a set with the nut low draw. Worried about A5 though.

Turn is 7d. I have a low, only A5 has me beat. A board pair would be good, or a 5.

River is 5h. Not too bad. I figure we must both have wheels and I got lucky. Sure enough, the betting is capped, and we split both pots.

I open limp into the pot in late position with 5s 7c 2h 4c. SB completes and BB checks.

Ah 3s 9s is the flop. I have the nut low draw again. I bet twenty, SB calls, BB folds.

Turn brings a 3rd spade, the Q. I check, SB checks.

River drops 2s. This makes my wheel, and the 4th spade on the board (plus the one in my hand) lowers the chance of a flush. I bet and am called. I show the wheel for hi and lo. It scoops both.

5 minute break. I am on 2871. The chip average is still 3000.

Blind round 1 - Limit Hold'em

I decide I want to play tight in this blind structure, mainly because Hold'em is such a marginal game and I don't want to be risking my chips in pots early. Nevertheless, the guy at my table is blatantly stealing blinds from all the Sitting Out players who are late, so I decide to start reraising with a wider range of hands.

My hole cards: Ad Kd

Cutoff (thief) raises. I three bet. He calls.

Flop is A J 4. He bets. I raise. He calls.

Turn is J. He bets. I call.

River is 10. He bets. I call.

He shows KQ. Motherfucker rivered the straight on me. I was so worried about trip Jacks. Anyway, next time.

Next time he tries to raise me. I have 77. He calls my three-bet.

Flop is 6 9 9. He checks. I bet. He calls.

Turn is 8. He checks. I bet. He raises, I call.

Turn is a 9. He checks. I check. He shows A8 for the turned pair. GODDAMN THIS GUY.

Those are the two main hands I played in hold'em, and I've moved tables for the Omaha Hi-Lo 2nd blind structure, away from this douche. Thank god.

HORSEing about...

So I'm in the tourney now, still in the first blind structure, after every blind structure I'll detail interesting hands I've been involved in and how they resulted. I'm feeling confident, after playing in Orange yesterday and winning the $10 rebuy and $350 first place. BULLDOZER!

WCOOP Event #12 -- HORSE

Tomorrow I'll be playing the $200+15 HORSE event in the World Championships of Online Poker on Pokerstars. Wish me luck! If you want to follow my progress on the site, my username is Willskis and the tournament will be starting at 4am NSW time on Sunday, September 23.

PokerStars Tournament #61149674, HORSE
Super Satellite
Buy-In: $20.00/$2.00
80 players
Total Prize Pool: $1600.00
Target Tournament #70000012 Buy-In: $215.00
7 tickets to the target tournament

Tournament started - 2007/09/21 - 10:08:00 (ET)

Dear Willskis,

You finished the tournament in 1st place.
You qualified to play in Tournament #70000012 and are automatically registered for it.
See Tournament #70000012 Lobby for further details.

Results and shit.

I guess amidst all the talking of Donkeys and such, I've forgotten to let all you out there in the land of Internet know how well the Hats have been doing on the local poker scene. Here's the skinny.

BENNY: Cashgaming it at the home games with the best of the ballers. Though self proclaimed "terrible" at Blind Man's Bluff, takes chips from others like it's going out of fashion. When he's not running tournaments, he's winning them. Notable results of late:

Lithgow $10 freezeout, Commercial Hotel - 1st
Orange $10 rebuys w/ addon, Aaron Hotel - 5th

DIZ LIZ: Another cashgame monster, Diz has also done well of late, taking down numerous cash prizes in the tourneys around town, winning the St. Pats club this week and placing in the top 3 at the $10 rebuy at the Kelso Hotel.

RABS: Though he's been quiet on the poker scene of late, when he does play, he plays good. Last time he played at the $10 rebuy at the Aaron, out of 41 runners with over $1000 in rebuys and addons, he placed 2nd.

SARAH+MATT: Sarah and Matty have recently been to Crown whilst in Melbourne, but when playing in the Central West, they always consistently place, making final tables in nearly every tourney they enter.

And as for moi, despite some depressing beats at the donkalicious tables of Star City, I'm back on the horse, placing 5th at the Kelso rebuy last week and splitting the pot for 1st and 2nd at the Wednesday Ox event. You'll see me in the seedy underbelly of the homegame poker scene as usual... grinding it out at the low stakes, building my next bankroll up for the next Star City visit ... which'll probably be donked off later.

Fellow hats, if I've missed any of your spectacular placings, just post a comment and let anyone reading know exactly how gangsta it was.

Bathurst's BIGGEST DONKEY!

It seems to be a trend with other local blog sites to big themselves and their teams up by reporting EXACTLY to you, the blog-reading public, who the biggest donkeys in the region are. They'll tell you what they play, who they are, why they're so bad, and how often they win by luck.

Not to be outdone, the FIVE HATS AND SHIT crew decided to scour the region looking for who, indeed, is the region's BIGGEST donkey.

Our results were conclusive. We found the worst poker player in Bathurst, nay, the world. His name is Sven, and he lives right outside of town on a little farm. He doesn't do much except play poker all day, yet he's still SUCH a donkey. He calls with any ace or pocket pair, even when we KNOW our bluffs should be knocking him senseless. Ostensibly, he shouldn't be able to match the extremely gangsta skills of the HATS.

But Sven is no ordinary bad player. He just calls our bluffs, sometimes holding nothing but Ace high! I mean, what is that? He cleaned up all our shit by calling when he should have folded, and getting lucky with crappy cards! WHAT A DONKEY.

Sven challenged all our crew to a game of heads up, and we just laughed so hard the region was swallowed up by an intense gale force wind. But he persisted, so Sven ended up taking all of us on.

One by one we dropped out to his donkey calls! He just accumulated chip after chip! He called our bluffs and got lucky on his bad calls! What a donkey! There was no way to beat this damned donkey, even though we knew we were far superior in poker skill to him.

After 20 minutes of donkaments, he took the last chip from me. He had beaten the hats using nothing but donk poker skills.

Ah Sven, you truly are Bathurst's biggest DONKEY!

Here's a pic of Sven, smiling like a DONK after his stupid win.

A random distraction...

That damn good.

If anyone doubted my poker ability, you'll see that I'm in the NPL top 20 -- AHAH.

Not impressed? Well, if you check the NPL website, you'll see that I'm in there TWICE.

So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Results of late...

Hey kidlets, haven't been playing much APL/NPL games of late but here are a few results for our very balling (and now SouthPark-ified) Five Hats. Sarah and Matty have been decimating the St. Pats club, with consecutive Final Tables and a win for Matty and a final table (that I know of) for Sarah.

Rabs came third at the massive Sunday night Panthers game (the region's biggest freeroll), headbutting all opposition with his superior cards and boyish good looks.

As for myself I've been tearing through the NPL lately, though ironically in Orange when I go to help Benny. Not much since the NPL is only fledgling in Orange garnering between 15-30 players per event but I'm still enjoying outplaying the donks. My results so far are:

Aaron Hotel game 1: 4th
Aaron Hotel game 2 (money game): 4th (bubble. damn)
Aaron Hotel sitngo 9handed: 1st
Royal Hotel: 2nd (well 3rd since Benny played and won but he wasn't counted)
Royal Hotel sitngo 9handed: 2nd
Aaron Hotel game 1: 2nd (see my badbeat on Mauler's blog)
Aaron Hotel game 2 (money): 4th (not a bubble this time, they paid top 4, SCORE)

Not that bad... I should probably hit up some more APL, but last Sunday I was too busy drinking the vodka we won at the Royal.

Also if anyone is keen for a game of headsup HORSE, I'll take challengers ranging from $10 to $50 (any more than that is out of my current finances)... I've been playing nothing but HORSE online and have been loving it.

Anyway, Stylez OUT.

PEACE

The proposed "Bathurst vs Orange" poker event.

Upon reading the collective ideas of the OPC/New Era who are keen for a Bathurst vs Orange poker event, I immediately thought: Why leave it at a Bx vs Ox poker tournament, I (and the rest of the Hats) would much rather a points-based teams event in a similar vein to the Ultimate Teams Event in Sydney, where players have a shootout into a larger tournament, gaining points for where they place on the day with the team accumulating the most points being declared the best team in the region?

I know that the mo'fuckin HATS ain't scared. What does the OPC, New Era, Big Nutz, Go Web Go, TCW and even the mighty (crap) Team T think of this proposal?

The Five Hats Heads Up Challenge

Or as we like to pronounce it, the "Fuck." (FHHUC)

It's Stylez here at Matty P's crib just posting after the first two rounds of our Five Hats Round Robin heads up challenge.

In the first heat, Matty P versed Benny in a squeaky-tight match. In the fortieth or so minute, when the blinds were 200/400, Ben picked up wired Jacks in the small blind and made it 1400 to roll, after losing around 400 in the hand before. His stack was 2600 so he had pot committed himself. Matty awoke to pocket 7s and put Big Ben all in for the rest of his chips. The first card rolled over was a 7 and Ben was sent to the rail with Matty picking up the first win of the FHHUC.

Stylez and Sarah played in their next match, and as we're pretty much known for being the most aggressive in the team the action heated up pretty quickly. After raising preflop on the button with 9hTd, I (Stylez) got a somewhat miracle headsup flop of KQJ with the K and J being spades. I fired out a fairly solid bet of 400 into a pot of 600 which Sare thought about before making the call. the turn was another spade and I hated that card, (I think it was a 4.) I did a big bet again and Sarah quickly called so I had to put her either on a monster two pair or a draw. The river was the ugliest thing I ever saw: the Queen of spades, that put 4 spades on the board, which I figured would counterfeit my straight. Sarah fired a monster bet when I checked to her and I folded. She turns over the dirty BLUFF with J4 offsuit, NO SPADES. Bah.

Anyway after whittling me down we got to 200-400 blinds and I pushed all in for 1500 with KJ offsuit. Sarah made the call with 8sTs for the turned straight and the first round win.

I've just finished my second match with Matty P (Benny and Sarah are still playing) where Matty slowplayed his KK to the death of him when I turned a straight with the same hand Sarah beat me with -- 8sTs. Matty had around 400 left after that monster pot and I just kept putting him all in whenever I was the smallblind (except, luckily, for one time when I didnt like the look of Ten Deuce [Doyle] and Matty angrily rolled over the pocket rockets AA) eventually I put Matty all in with JhTh and he called with As3c and I turned a flush for the win.

Matty will be in here to do the next update as it happens...

Stylez (On Matty's account) OUT

Carving up the cashgames.

The hats are rampaging through the Bathurst cashgame scene, with Sarah and Matty P both final tabling at last night's St. Pat's club and Stylez and Diz Lizzle coming top 16 also. At the home of "Wizadd" Mark Cowie we played a bit of $.20/$.40 NL with Matty and Stylez both cashing out for around 3-4 buyins each.

We also started a balling gangsta game called Jackpot... just to make the money move around the table while you're playing toight loike a toiger at the card table waiting for bullets... it was hella fun and we had some pretty big jackpots ($20+) which was just good to make sure there was always some form of gambling going on.

Speaking of gambling, look at this cockhead on Pokerstars. Goddamn it irritates me that my money from that one dirty suckout will be going to some other, better player than this chasing fuckwit.

Stylez OUT

PEACE





Stars Game #11248984915: Hold'em No Limit ($0.25/$0.50) - 2007/08/01 - 03:44:02 (ET)
Table 'Tethys V' 6-max Seat #3 is the button
Seat 1: pareddevil ($27.95 in chips)
Seat 2: BindingPils ($17.75 in chips)
Seat 3: GwydGambles ($26 in chips)
Seat 4: Willskis ($20.75 in chips)
Seat 5: Spanky1974 ($53.25 in chips)
Seat 6: cantstop ($36.75 in chips)
Willskis: posts small blind $0.25
Spanky1974: posts big blind $0.50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Willskis [Kh Ks]
cantstop: raises $2 to $2.50
pareddevil: folds
BindingPils: folds
GwydGambles: folds
Willskis: raises $3 to $5.50
Spanky1974: folds
cantstop: calls $3
*** FLOP *** [7h 5c 6s]
Willskis: bets $15.25 and is all-in
cantstop: calls $15.25
*** TURN *** [7h 5c 6s] [Ad]
*** RIVER *** [7h 5c 6s Ad] [Qs]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Willskis: shows [Kh Ks] (a pair of Kings)
cantstop: shows [Ac 6h] (two pair, Aces and Sixes)
cantstop collected $39.95 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $42 | Rake $2.05
Board [7h 5c 6s Ad Qs]
Seat 1: pareddevil folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: BindingPils folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: GwydGambles (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 4: Willskis (small blind) showed [Kh Ks] and lost with a pair of Kings
Seat 5: Spanky1974 (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 6: cantstop showed [Ac 6h] and won ($39.95) with two pair, Aces and Sixes

Have an update, fuckers.

"Stylez update your fucking blog."
"At least I update my blog."
"Update your blog and I will suck your man meat."

These are just some of the whingy, whiney (and sometimes arousing) sentiments I hear from members of the Bathurst/Orange poker community EVERY DAY since I arrived back in Bathurst from my sojourn in Newcastle with Phil for the WPPT. So here it is bitches, the reason I haven't been updating is because... I didn't know what ballers were doing back here in the B-Town ghetto. And the answer is... a lot of poker/gangsta related shit. Of course. We're mofucking hats.

So here's some skinny for yas. The homegame scene has been booming in Bathurst at least with APL seemingly shriveling up and dying, being reduced to just one freeroll and one pro series.

NPL is going ok too, but the money is really to be made from the NPL TDs and owners at the home games... with Matty P, Big Ben and me raking a shitload from players like Pat, Novak and Addell(sp) at Mark and Jenny Cowie's place. The bomb shit.

Specially of note as well, was Matty P's blazing hotstreak with a WIN of St. Pats club (knocking out a former WSOP 70th place finisher [70th out of 8773, mind you]) as well as Matty P and me making the final table of the NPL $10 rebuy game at the Kelso, agreeing to a 4-way $200 split when we were down to 4 players. Cha-ching.

So there's your update. If you want more of this gangsta update shit... do it when I'm not busy. I've got poker to play and fish to exploit.

Stylez OUT

PEACE

WPPT Report

Hey kids, its Stylez here writing from Newcastle, in the middle of the grand week of poker that my mate has dubbed the WPPT -- The Will and Phil Poker Tour.

So far we've played 2 major Wild Turkey games with some less than profitable results. In the $55 Big Freeze event at Souths Juniors Phil busted out in around 50th after his pocket 9s button raise ran into the Big Blind who had awoken to pocket Queens. Finding himself pot committed Phil had to push all in when he was reraised.

Will had a more annoying situation. With around 3 tables left, we arrived straight from the break. In the big blind for 2000, it was folded around to the small blind, an old man who completed the blind. Will found Ace Eight off suit in the big blind and raised an extra 4000 to take the old man's 2000. After thinking for a moment the old man pushed all in in an exasperated manner. Sizing up the situation, Will eliminated any large pocket pair or better Ace from the old man's range of holdings and made the call. The guy flips over Queen Six offsuit a little embarrassed, and people congratulated Will on his call. However, the story always goes bad with the old man spiking a 6 on the turn which held. A little bit disappointing but not the end of the WPPT.

Yesterday started well with Will and Phil being two of the first two people to qualify to the main tournament in a massive shootout at the Newcastle Mayfield Ex-Services, taking down their tables in the first of four heats. However in the main event that night at 6:30pm, Phil busted out early when a calling station called down a pot which Phil bet heavily at with Ace high which held on the river, even on a very draw heavy board of two deuces, a Jack and a straight draw. Will grinded most of the way to the top 40 or so runners but the blinds at 300/600 forced Will all in for around 2400 with King Jack suited of diamonds and ran into the dreaded bullets.

Tonight we're playing a small $10 cashgame at the NPL in Hamilton and tomorrow Phil plays for another WTTOC ticket at the Mayfield Ex-Services again with all the Newcastle regional leaders. Next Saturday sees the Saints Shootout where the lads will again test their mettle against a bunch of Turkey Ticket wannabes. The next day is the Pro Series open where the lads will meet up with Diz Lizzle, Tamin, and Matty P at the Rooty Hill RSL -- its almost a certainty that money will be won.

Check the 5 Hats and Shit blog for more exciting WPPT updates...

Stylez OUT

Five Hats and Shit = Unstoppable?

Tonight at the NPL the final table was dominated by the two Five Hats ballers Matty P and Stylez. After knocking out pretty much everybody it came down to heads up between Matty and Stylez with Matty taking down the entire match with a well timed call of Stylez' bluff.

Last night at the Golfy as well the Hats rolled into town, notching up a 4th for Diz Lizzle and James "Ace" Mann kicking the opposition in their poker shins to come a balling 2nd.

There's no questioning which is the premier poker team in the region.

Stylez OUT

King Jack of Spades

Hi! I'm the king of spades. I'm one half of the most balling poker hand in the world.



This is my buddy, Jack of spades. Together with my buddy King we fucking STOMP THE SHIT OUT OF ANY HAND that comes across us when Stylez is playing us.

Tonight Diz Lizzle and I drove to Orange to play on the home turf of our two new ballers James "Fuck Yo Ace Up" Mann and Shannon "DJ Wolfendizzle" Hart. (These are their nicknames gangstified.) After busting out in the main game, we decided to play a sit 'n' go for $22 (no ghetto SNGs here).

The game was pretty much decided when I picked up Ks Js in the hole. This (if anyone doesn't know) is my lucky hand, and I haven't had it for months. It was limped around to me, and without fear, knowing I was impervious to being beat, I pushed all in.

The donkey at the table called quickly, then it got to a guy called Mitch, and he took ages before calling and showing As Ts. I wasn't worried, I could have seen AA and laughed so hard the chips would have been blown off the table from the sheer force of my mirth. The noob shows K4os and I'm like "meh, so one of my outs is gone. No biggie."

As expected, the Jack was the first to drop - putting me in a commanding lead. The 4 was next followed by what I was sure was coming -- the King.

"Excellent" said I, as I smoked a pipe and skulled a bottle of Jagermeister like the baller I am.

The beautiful thing about the flop was that the two other guys still had outs -- a 4 dropping would give Nooby Mc Noob a boat and Ace Ten needed a Q for the gutshot.

The turn came a blank giving them a tiny bit of hope, but alas, as I knew it would, the other Jack dropped on the riv for my SEXY boat.

That's how King Jack'o'spades rolls, mofuckers. I ended up winning the sit and go and putting the money towards the local orphanage (by towards it I mean towards the campaign for it to be demolished for a 24-hour poker lounge to be erected in its place.)

Hats carve up the Panthers

Tonight, two of the balling Hats members did the unthinkable, not only making the final table but actually coming FIRST and SECOND on the night. Diz Lizzle and Ace smoked the final table like a chimney with a nicotine problem.

The final hand was Dizzy Lee's raggedy King versus an unthinkably powerful hand -- the PIPES ("the poipes!") J9. Unfortunately James obviously didn't believe in the pipes enough and was beaten for a fucking awesome 2nd place finishing.

The two hats outwitted, outplayed, and outkicked the other finalists to let the region know who the REAL gangsta team is.

Congratulations to the two ballers.

It's just not fair.

This is the LAST HAND in a 36 person satellite into a larger satellite into a LARGER satellite that wins a WSOP ticket.

Fuck I hate poker.

Dealer: Hotgmama posts the small blind of 1,500
Dealer: Willskis posts the big blind of 3,000
Dealer: You have been dealt [3h Kc]
Dealer: Hotgmama calls 1,500
Dealer: Willskis checks
Dealer: The flop is [Qs 3c Kh]
Dealer: Willskis checks
Dealer: Hotgmama bets 3,000
Dealer: Willskis raises to 6,000
Dealer: Hotgmama calls 3,000
Dealer: The turn is [8d]
Dealer: Willskis bets 18,000 <-- This, kiddies, is what's called a POT-SIZED BET, enough to give anyone who wishes to call odds of 2:1 -- insufficient odds to call a straight, flush, or trips draw.
Dealer: Hotgmama calls 18,000
Dealer: The river is [Js]
Dealer: Willskis bets 14,640, and is all in
Hotgmama: I have to call
Dealer: Hotgmama has 15 seconds left to act
Dealer: Hotgmama calls 12,360, and is all in
Dealer: Uncalled bet of 2,280 returned to Willskis
Dealer: Willskis shows two pair, Kings and Threes
Dealer: Hotgmama shows a straight, Ace high
Dealer: Hotgmama wins the pot (78,720) with a straight, Ace
high

Patience, young one

A lot of hot-headed young players (myself included) have a lot of trouble being patient at the table. They want to get into as many pots as possible with each other and tangle with other players hands. Often this will result with people playing marginal hands in unfavourable positions.

Yesterday at Terry's homegame I decided to take it upon myself to be as patient and smart with my chips as I could, and play a squeaky tight game (which goes against my general loose-aggressive image). I'll admit it was made easier by the poor quality of my cards, but I did find myself folding mediocre hands that I might often play aggressively in late such as QTs, JTs, A9s, and pockets below 7. I ended up being simply blinded down about 750 chips after around an hour's play.

However, the thing about patience in tournaments is that after all that is said and done, one hand can ruin everything if you decide you don't "feel" like playing patiently anymore.

After doubling up with a well-timed two-pair with A3os on my BB, I found myself looking at two 4s in the small blind. Terry's son was at the end of the table and raised the pot to 800, which was 600 over the blinds. I decided to make the call out of position because I felt that Terry's son (being a tad new to the game and known for his penchant for chasing straights and flushes) could be outmanoeuvred postflop by a more experienced player such as myself.

The board brought a 2, a 6 and a K. Noting my opponent didn't immediately look at my stack but rather focused on the board, I had put him on either a pair less than Kings or a large Ace such as a Jack or Queen that missed the board.

What happened next made all my patient play come to naught. Thinking that he would call any draw with whatever small amount I would bet, I figured the only way to play him off his hand would be to go all-in, which was 3325 into a pot of roughly 1800. It's a risk I often take when I sense a player is weak or hesitant, a massive overbet of the pot to simply take it there and then because they do not want to be out of the tournament and they cannot take the risk.

So I made the move and after thinking for maybe 20 seconds he made the call with his pocket 7s which were of course good enough to win him the massive pot.

The point I'm trying to make is that the stupid impatient move that I made at this point was enough to knock me out of the tournament and into my car berating myself that I'd made such a retarded move. When you play patient and tight, don't let boredom, frustration, or any kind of goading let you get more involved in a pot than you really should be. I originally called with my 4s thinking that if I made a set I would be able to double up. But after I missed my 4, and the board brought two overcards (one of which I wasn't worried about unless my opponent had 2 of the same in his hand) my original tight plan went out the window and in a moment of recklessness I lost all my chips and was sent to the rail.

Don't be a noob like Stylez, stay cool as a cucumber at the table and watch the pennies roll in.

Anyway, I'm off to play poker with this hot bitch:

STYLEZ OUT
PEACE

They have donkeys online, too...

Dealer: You have been dealt [Ac Jc]
Dealer: Jenny92 folds
Dealer: lvbadbob folds
Dealer: Willskis raises to $0.50
Dealer: frdlvrxlt26 folds
Dealer: l0vetotilt2 folds
Dealer: 1wirenut calls $0.25
Dealer: The flop is [7c As Qs]
Dealer: 1wirenut checks
Dealer: Willskis bets $0.25
Dealer: 1wirenut calls $0.25
Dealer: The turn is [Kc]
Dealer: 1wirenut checks
Dealer: Willskis bets $0.50
Dealer: 1wirenut calls $0.50
Dealer: The river is [4h]
Dealer: 1wirenut bets $0.50
Dealer: Willskis raises to $1
Dealer: 1wirenut calls $0.50
Dealer: Willskis shows a pair of Aces
Dealer: 1wirenut shows two pair, Kings and Fours
Dealer: 1wirenut wins the pot ($4.40) with two pair, Kings and
Fours

Must have been an Avalanche player. That ain't balling.

Final Table

Stylez and Sarah were at the final table of tonight's Panther's event with 83 runners. The Hats roll with the punches at the poker table, with a right, left, right left you're toothless -- and then you say "GODDAMN THEY RUTHLESS."

Everywhere we go, they say "damn."
Five Hats and Shit are fucking up the program.
But then they realise we don't care,
we don't just say no,
WE'RE TOO BUSY SAYING YEAH!

(If that paragraph confuses you, look up NWA - Gangsta Gangsta on Google. It's the new Five Hats and Shit song. I just decided now.)

Stylez OUT

Averages

The Hats have been criticised on their average player score by team Avalanche. We would just like to put forward the fact that 4 of the Hats -- Sarah, Ben, Rabs and Matty P-- don't even play APL freerolls. Also, no NPL averages were taken into account -- where 3 of the Hats have made the top 20 in the region -- 2 in the top 6. Also, the Hats have made the most cashes in NPL cash games of any poker team -- over 20 between them.

Though we play free poker, the Hats true spirit shines in the cash rolls -- we ain't pissy free poker players, we're high rolling gangstas. Remember that.

PEACE

P.S The hats enjoyed a huge home game today at Terry's Poker League in West Bathurst. At the time of writing, Matty P is still rolling in the top 3 with a decent stack. Styles busted out in 4th and Big Ben dropped out 5th. Bubble Boys fo life! Good luck Matty P -- I've got no doubt you're going to take that mofo down.

Five Hats and Shit REPRESENT YO.

Let me give you the skinny. This blog is being created by me, Big Willy Stylez, to let everyone in the Central West get the scoop about the hottest and youngest poker team in Bathurst and Orange .. (and sometimes Oberon. But not often, every time we go out there we get taken out when our pocket Ks lose to some drunken fuckwit who looks like he was spawned by two of the degenerate freaks from The Hills Have Eyes when he plays his 8-3 SUITED).

The site will have bad language, so if you're too much of a pansy to accept the diatribes of a true baller such as myself (or any other Five Hats member) leave now. COCK. CUNT. ARSE. I told you.

HISTORY OF FIVE HATS AND SHIT

One fine evening, a few young sprightly lads named Matthew, William, and Benjamin were at the local Edinboro Castle Hotel. They decided it would be rather sporting to place a general wager of $1 a press into the machine which was delightfully titled "Cash Chameleon".

"Good show!" shouted Ben at the machine. "I'd dearly love for you to pay out a spiffy amount of dollar coins based on the moderate wager of which I am putting forward."

"Jolly good," agreed Will.

"Chim chim cheroo," piped in Matthew, in an interjection that contributed nothing to the conversation, but actually did sound rather British and formal.

The machine did actually reciprocate to the behest of the three young gamblers. For not one, but two, three four, FIVE silver hats lined the middle row of the cash machine. The bells rang and the clangers clanged, and the machine payed the boys enough money so that they could drink many a lager and have a rather sporting old time ALL night.

ALTERNATE VERSION

Like the gangstas they were, Stylez, Matty P and Big Ben were pulling rolled up twenty-dollar bundles from their pockets and throwing them through the poker machine like it weren't nobody's business. They'd already hammered down at least 26 rum-on-taps each, and were thinking about how they were going to make their next cool 10 G payout, and what kind of wigga they'd have to bust a cap in to make the green.

They rolled up to a pokie in one of the dark corners of the Eddy. It said "Cash Chameleon", so Benny said "fuck it. Let's put some dollars into this player, yo."

Pulling a 100 dollar note from a pile of 99 more of the same, Matty P said "Whatever dawg."

It looked like getting chameleons was the way to make the machine payout. "COME ON FUCK YA," shouted Benny. "GIVE US SOME CHAMELEONS N SHIT."

But the machine actually put 5 silver top hats on the screen. This payed just as balling as the chameleons would have.

"FUCKING GIVE US SOME FIVE HATS AND SHIT," yelled Stylez, before headbutting a passing wigga for looking at him the wrong way.

The machine payed out again and again. The Five Hats just kept on rolling -- much the way the current Five Hats roll: fast and living large.

The gangstas dined in style that night. After enjoying supermodel accompaniment in a jacuzzi filled with money, they decided that the magical abilities of the Five Hats would lead them to success in every gangsta aspect of life, and joined a poker team that would be comprised of no one but true ballers.

They started small, and still remain very selective of who joins such a balling poker team.

But the current member sheet is as follows:

Benjamin "Big Ben" Stark -- The TOP HAT.
Ryan "MC Rabs" Rhind
Matt "Matty P" Pakulski
Nick "Diz Lizzle" Eviston
Will "Stylez" Longfield
Sarah "OUTTA MAH FACE BIATCH" Weal

And our two trial Members,

Shannon "Wolf" Hart
James "Ace" Mann

This is a team who knows where shit's at. We accept any challenge, even from inferior teams, because we're just true ballers. We'll teach you shit about poker when you sit down to play with us. Come get schooled by the Hats, AWW YEAH.


Stylez OUT...

POICE